An Empty Stomach

Note: Sahm at Because We’re Poets gave us Poetry Prompt #11:Metasimilac!: “I would like you to pick an object – any object – and describe it. But don’t just describe as you would to, let us say, a forensic sketch artist. Describe as you would to a child with a penchant for fantasy. What I mean is, describe it in metaphors and similes. Transform its characteristics and use “like” and “as” to compare it something else. Try to compare your chosen object to things it would be a stretch to compare it to in common conversations.

An empty stomach of an intended fast
Is like waiting for a birthday to come at last.
The space inside looks like a yellow balloon,
Not red with happiness, not black with gloom.
Rumblings emanate like echoes in a deep ravine
Filled with air as pure as new apples, still green,
Hollow breaths consumed in gentle swallows
Taste of peace, so soft like white marshmallows.
The absence of food, as cleansing as spring rains,
Brings progression to new thoughts and old pains.
Hunger burns the core like the hot, summer sun,
A sensation, prayed, to be kept from everyone.

Copyright © 2013 Shainbird. All rights reserved.

Please also read other takers of this prompt: A Girl Is Like a Female by The Running Son, Making Popcorn…for my grandson by Bastet, Hummingbird by Rob T. and Sister Moon at Creative Metaphor.


About Shainbird

"A lonely craftsman putting one word after another."
This entry was posted in Poetry and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

14 Responses to An Empty Stomach

  1. Sahm King says:

    Very nicely done, Shainbird. And it makes perfect sense, too. Hunger is definitely not fun, but this poem, reading it, I’d imagine would make it slightly easier to deal with. 🙂 Awesome work Shainbird!

  2. Bastet says:

    I never thought that hunger could make me smile! Great poem. 🙂

  3. A very unique perspective on not just hunger, but voluntary hunger.

  4. Pingback: Poetry: Making Popcorn…for my grandson | Bastet and Sekhmet

  5. Rob says:

    An excellent poem about hunger! So descriptive of what being hungry looks and feels like. Very emotive 🙂

    P.S. It did make me want birthday cake, even though you never actually used the word “cake”.

    • Shainbird says:

      Very interesting, subliminal perhaps? I am partial to birthday cake with whipped topping but only once in a long, long while 🙂 Thanks for reading and especially for your critique.

  6. Pingback: Monday Poetry Prompt #11 Results! | We Drink Because We're Poets

  7. Damn… liked that alot. We Drink shoulda featured it, sb.
    “new apples, still green” <–if I steal this from u someday…forgive!

  8. cindy knoke says:

    You are very talented!

Type me what you think.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s