Expecting Serra – Friday Fictioneers

ClaireFuller

© Claire Fuller

Without a tug on the reins, Ticonderoga’s hooves stop at the castle. I dismount, flowers in hand. My heart adjusts to the expectations of seeing Serra. My eyes immediately dart to the topmost window.

Oh My Serra…long, brown tresses hidden under a thin veil, like her love for me through the delicacy of tender smiles and shy eyes.

Our secret was kept to the winds that separate us, we thought. Now I come, not as before, to place these flowers beneath this dying tree where she is buried – put to death for loving beneath her station. Oh My Serra.

-30-

Copyright © 2013 Shainbird. All rights reserved.

Note: This was a prompt by Rochelle at Friday Fictioneers. In exactly 100 words, write a story about the selected photograph.

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About Shainbird

"A lonely craftsman putting one word after another."
This entry was posted in Short Story and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

35 Responses to Expecting Serra – Friday Fictioneers

  1. Sandra says:

    Dramatic take on the prompt, nicely executed.

  2. Bastet says:

    I enjoyed this very much…you did a very good piece here, reminds me of an old English Ballad somehome, sad and dramatic.

  3. kz says:

    i like the poetic feel in this piece 🙂 well done

  4. dmmacilroy says:

    Dear Shainbird,

    Did you change tenses in the first sentence of the last paragraph? Not sure where you stand on con crit so am leery of discussing more. I like the feel of your story. Sorrow and yearning combine to color our moods. Good job.

    Aloha,

    Doug

    • Shainbird says:

      Dear Doug,

      The story is all in the present, but this one sentence is a flash to the past (in his thinking), as their relationship was discovered, thus her fate. I hope it does not tend to mislead. In the first paragraph, he expects to see her presently as this is his heart yearning (also I did not want to give away the ending). Very astute of you Doug, thank you and Aloha friend!

  5. Dear Shainbird,

    A rather empty and lonely feel to this.

    shalom,

    Roichelle

    • Shainbird says:

      Thanks Rochelle, that is how the picture seemed to communicate to me. Since I’ve been absent from FF, I feel like I’ve missed sessions of a class. Always great stuff Rochelle. 🙂 Peace, Shainbird.

  6. Oloriel says:

    I must admit that I was really not expecting this to end the way it did. I was expecting some magical love moment or a funny twist, but you managed to completely rollercoaster me in so few sentences. It was a moment, while reading, like that thing you can see on TV, when someone is smiling, then slides palm over face and is then sad – this is how I think I looked 🙂
    Thank you for this nice read, there is nothing more I like then a story that engages me emotionaly.

    • Shainbird says:

      Thanks Selena, I think in this constraint of words, I wish to get a feeling of engagement across to the reader, ergo the jolt. You made it for me, thanks!

  7. Very nice, I especially like, “tender smiles, and shy eyes,” very poetic and vivid

  8. kdavisfanclub says:

    i really liked the line about the secrets being kept to the winds that seperate us. nicely written, mon amis.

  9. SSMatthews says:

    Well done Shainbird. This is very well written!

  10. claireful says:

    Very poetic and tender.

  11. words4jp says:

    this is a beautiful story – so much wealth in so few words. Emotions, meaning, visualization – lovely. I adore Barber’s Adagio. I can certainly feel the music in the background…

  12. A poetic sadness that lingers through the readings. The repetitions are very effective.

  13. pattisj says:

    So sad, in so few words. Well done.

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